Motivating Your Loved One

June 12, 2021

When talking about helping our loved one’s grow their independence, one of the big questions that I get asked is, “How do I motivate my loved one to want to be more independent?” OR you might be thinking, well, my loved one is unmotivated… or maybe you’ve caught yourself saying my loved one is lazy! (I know that I have.) BUT – this isn’t really true.

In this video, I share what I’ve learned about the underlying reasons my sister appeared to be unmotivated, and I share a tip that you can use that might put some pep in your loved one’s step! Click the video below to learn more.

Leave a comment below! What insight did you gain from this video?

P.S. If you want to get your FREE copy of the Ultimate Guide to Independence CLICK HERE.

  • I agree that we have to take that step back and remember that it is not our loved one’s fault if they appear unmotivated. It is very hard for them, I think, to get motivated sometimes when they have had low expectations placed on them for a long time. I like the win-win. I think you do have to acknowledge and praise effort, any effort because it represents a small step and independence is achieved in degrees, not big steps.

  • Win / win is a wonderful idea and one I’d like to see more in my house !! BUT, how does one hold one “accountable ” for their part in it ? ie : I used to have a strategy in our house where if one cooked for the family , the rest cleaned up after wards. After eons ( and I mean years) of listening to complaints and dealing with defiance about this , I agreed to change it to “you cook , you clean” and now we have a constant mess in the kitchen ( that someone else usually ends up cleaning up after so they can make what they want to make next)! ! This “backfired” big time! Just as many other “compromises ” have in our house !

  • Your idea of loved one taking ownership to choose what they will help with rather than me telling them has worked very well in our household. We have now had many win-win instances. I have given up stressing over what I think needs to be done ie tidying bedroom to accepting we like to use the Shark vac mop on the tile floors. I believe we will get more done in time but for now any help is better than the way it has been – no help at all.

  • Hi Eric, my daughte, 32, is all the above you mentioned. She is just not interested or motivated to try something new. Painting, cooking, chores etc. although she does have her routines for each day. She just wants to move out, but there is a very long waiting list, so cannot answer her. Thank you for your video.

  • Hi Eric
    Loved your video clip on Motivation. I know when David is being lazy but most of the time he gets things done by himself. One thing I have found is he paces himself; for him it is not good to do or achieve things too quickly because that means he leaves home sooner. He does not like to see your classes because to him YOU are the person who encourages loved ones to leave home and live somewhere else. Psycologically this is a hurdle for him. He lost his father and he is not about to loose his mother even after all these years; when I leave him at home by himself he asks are you coming back? its not that he does not want to be home by himself because he is used to taking care of HIS home when Mom is not there. This has been my ungoing hurdle.
    Thank you for being there for so many parents through your programs. Have a wonderful and refreshing time being away for a while this summer.

  • As always Eric, your words of wisdom and actionable advice are incredible! Thank you for sharing your vast knowledge and experience with us:)

  • Hi Eric
    I watched your video and agree with you wholeheartedly that unless you give your child some responsibility ( with support) they are not going to try thing on their own. My question how can you have a conversation if your child is non-verbal? Also, what were some tasks around the house that you would first assign? Thanks

  • Eric, this is so true. Parents are told early on to NOT expect anything from their child born with a learning disability and therefore expect nothing. When we treat these children as any normal ordinary child, with expectations for their successes, it will enable them to succeed.

  • I have lived my life with 2 adults that have asberger I am weary of me always being the one that is blamed Why dont we talk to asberger people about how hard it is to live with them I am so burned out no one cares about me

    • You sound so tired Meghan. I am hoping you will be able to connect with other caretakers of asbergers so they may be able to assist you in moving forward

    • Dear Megan,

      God bless you! You are such a precious lady! God sees you and is so near to you. “HELP” is an actual prayer, and our tears water it!! I do not know from this message if you are the Mom of these 2 adults with asperger’s, and I do not have a child(ren) with asperger’s, but I hear you! You are valuable. You MATTER! You are asking for help. That is great! Can you get RESPITE care for these 2 adults? You do need time away to be refreshed. Can you tell me where you are located? I am in Waterloo, ON. I would be happy to listen to you. Please, we are here to help when we can, and seek help when we need.

      With love, concern, and care,
      Brenda 🍋

  • The idea of my accountability in creating the “learned helplessness” really hit home . Thanks for all your support and suggestions.

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