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Independence Tip #2: Stop Doing & Telling

October 22, 2022

I thought my sister was ‘lazy,’ but that wasn’t true!

When my family examined why my sister expected everything done for her, we realized that we (me, my mom, and dad) were the biggest part of the problem!

Mother Elaine B. summarizes what many parents I’ve worked with say, “As I back off, my loved one fills in the void. The biggest changes needed are really my own outdated behaviours.”

In this short video and article, I go deeper into Independence Tip #2 from the 12 Tips Independence guide; Stop Doing & Telling!

I invite you to check out the 3-minute video & written article where I go deeper on this tip for you.

Get all 12 Independence tips now (for free) by tapping the link below:

Get the 12 Tips Independence Guide

Written Article/ Transcript:

Tip #2: Stop Doing & Telling

“For me, the most effective strategy for my brother’s independence is for my parents, and for me, to stop doing things for him. Every time we do something for him, we rob him of the opportunity of independence.

And… accept that his standards of DOING something independently will be different from ours, and that is okay. The task may not be completed to our “standards,” but be okay with that.”

– Shannon P. (Sibling)

Shannon P.’s Example:
Clothes not perfectly folded = independence Our need to have them folded our way = robbery of independence.

I get it, sometimes it is easier and faster just to do things for your loved one. But you have to intentionally shift out of this thinking so that your loved one has opportunities to learn!

The most effective strategy to grow our son’s independence is for us to stop telling him what to do. We know he has many skills; however, he needs to develop confidence in himself to carry out these skills independently. He often reverts to asking us, ‘what should I do…?, or how do I…?’. We think that he often already knows, and we need to step back and pause, letting him apply what he already knows and support him only when necessary.” – Beverly Y. (Mother)

“As I back off, my loved one fills in the void. The biggest changes needed are really my own outdated behaviours.” – Elaine B. (Mother)

I’m Eric Goll. Together, let’s take a step forward.

Get all 12 Independence tips now (for free) by tapping the link below:

Get the 12 Tips Independence Guide

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